Breaking up with BT

In which BT fails to deliver, just like OP...

Dear BT,

It appears you didn't take the sentiments of my previous letter to heart. I'm afraid that is going to be detrimental to our ongoing relationship. In fact I'm afraid I have some bad news for you - we're going to have to part ways.

I'd like to say: "It's not you, it's me". But that's not just true - it is you. It's the constant lying. It's the fact that you barely even call. And when you do it's only to spin more lies. You've not even visited since mid-August!

I'm afraid I need someone who is more in touch with my needs...and also has HD TV! I'm afraid I'm getting into bed with Sky. I think I explained most of my reasoning last time round but there have been further problems...

I rang you after last time because I wanted to check that you hadn't managed to get my order wrong again. Or lied to me, again. Turns out there was no order placed or you screwed up in some other incompetent way - You said I'd definitely have a confirmation phone call by Tuesday. This never came. I gave you until lunchtime on Wednesday just in case - You didn't ring.

So I decided to take matters into my own hands and ring your cancellation line. Surprisingly when I threatened to leave you there was pleading and you put me through to someone who "could get this sorted". I explained to them that if I didn't have internet by the end of Friday I would be cancelling my order. They promised that I would have a phonecall within 24 hours and that an engineer visit would be booked for Friday before 5 pm.

Today you managed to ring exactly 24 hours later. Which is, I must admit, both pretty impressive while cutting it fine. You could not deliver, yet again, on your promises. When I rang through to the cancellation line again I couldn't help but get the impression that the lady on the line heard this all thetime. I have cancelled my internet order - the only good thing about all this is as you haven't installed my connection so you can't charge me a penny for the internet. If you try to charge any cancellation charges rest assured I will be fighting you tooth and nail until you drop them.

I don't want to swear on my blog but I feel, BT, that Shakespeare can help me get some of the anger off of my chest:

  • Thou gleeking weather-bitten measle!
  • There's no room for faith, truth, nor honesty in this bosom of thine. It is all filled up with guts and midriff.
  • You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat's-tongue, you bull's-pizzle, you stock-fish! O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!
  • Thou surly whoreson haggard!
  • Thou art only mark'd for hot vengeance and the rod of heaven!
I will most humbly take my leave of you. You cannot, sir, take from me anything that I will not more willingly part withal.
I will most humbly take my leave of you. You cannot, sir, take from me anything that I will not more willingly part withal.

I ordered Sky through*  which means I will be getting £130 back from them in addition to a £100 M&S voucher from Sky. See they've even given me money to compensate me for how useless you were!

Also now I'm going to be able to record and pause live TV :D

Yours unimpressedly,

Tom Wilkinson

*If you go via this link and sign up I will get £10 cashback once you have earned at least £10 cashback :)

P.S. And this is really getting in the way of my YouTube uploads. Luckily I managed to get this one uploaded from work:


P.P.S All your Shakespearean insult needs - catered for!